7 Decisions you have to make when you leave college

Addendum to Question #2

I realize that I do not think linearly. This was a problem at my previous job, when during meetings, another co-worker would process linearly and extremely logically and had a really hard time keeping me along his train of thought (yes, you can guess who that co-worker is! ) Finally I said to him, "I just don't think like you." Voila! The mysteries of male/female communication solved.

Anyways, here is a little addendum to question #2, because I don't think linearly, little snippets keep spewing out.

The deep thought of the day is that women are perfectionists. This is a BAD THING.

All women are perfections, but especially high-achieving, well-educated,  Chinese Christian young women. Somewhere along our upbringing, we were taught that if we don't do everything perfectly, something terrible will happen. We don't know what that terrible thing is, but the fear of it is enough to keep us on the perfectionist track all our lives.

You can keep that up through your college years, because expectations are pretty much laid out for you. You need to study hard, listen to your parents, get into a good school, get good grades, and graduate. Perfection is attainable because the goals are specific.

Once you graduate though, the goals become much more amorphous. Yes, you should "get a good job" like your parents said, but what job is that? What job is "good" enough? Do you have to like your job? Should you go back to school? If so, which graduate program is better? How do you succeed in your personal life? Do you need to know where you're going?

You can't reach perfection if you don't know what perfection looks like. And this is very hard for high-achieving, well-educated, Chinese Christian women.

Usually what happens is that these women spin their wheels for a while, lose their bearings, and become depressed. There was a period of time when I realized it was only a matter of time when a woman I was talking to admitted to me that she was clinically depressed. Read that again--I mean it literally, and I am not exaggerating. I thought for a while that I just attract depressed women. But I now realize it's because depression is so prevalent in women of my socio-economic class, and part of the reason this is true is because these women try to hard to be perfect, and once they hit their early twenties, realize with a shock that perfection is unattainable.

Life isn't perfect. Life is messy. There is no perfection to be gained in this world, because this world, and all that is in it, is not what it was meant to be. We live in a fallen world, in which even those with the best of intentions make mistakes, harm comes to those who do good, and good comes to those who do harm. In this type of world, how can we even try to be perfect?

Ultimately, women who try to do everything perfectly are trying to control their world. The Bible is very clear that this is impossible. In Luke 12, Jesus tells the parable of the rich fool who tries to store up treasures for himself on earth. God tells him, "You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?" (Luke 12:20). Again in James 4: "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" (James 4:13-15)

There is though, one type of perfection that we seek. We ought to strive to present each other perfect in Christ (Col 1:28) through the proclamation of Jesus Christ. One day we will be made perfect, by Christ, not by our own actions, and not through our own aimless strivings.

Conclusion:

1) Realize that it is impossible, unhealthy, and actually unbiblical to try to be perfect in everything you do. Mistakes are not terrible things.  They are necessary if you want to grow up.
2) Even if you do make a mistake, if you repent, God can and will forgive you (unless I guess if you blaspheme the HS)
3) God gives you free Grace; you do not have to earn His approval. Moreover, it is His approval and not the approval of man (even your parents) that matters.
4) Relax!!!!!

OK, more random thoughts to follow.

7 Decisions you have to make when you leave college
Decision #2: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Do you want to know a secret? Even grown ups don't know what they want to be when they grow up. There! The secrets out! Now you have breathe a sigh of relief!

I'm sure there was a time, maybe back in my parent's generation, when people graduated college, set off on one career path, and stayed with that career (or even with one company) for the rest of their lives. Nowadays, people switch jobs, switch careers, go back to school, well into their 30's and 40's.

I got a degree in Biology, then volunteered aimlessly for a year, got a degree in Education, worked for a few years in educational research, went back for seminary, worked for a few years in ministry, and am now a housewife (and blogger! yay!). Does that sound like I know what I want to be when I grow up? I'm still figuring it out.

I have a friend who got a degree in Biology (with me), then worked for an insurance company, switched and worked for an energy company, got a degree in computer science, advanced up from programming to the business end of things, then left it all to study music, and is now a stay-at-home mom.

Another friend worked in research for a number of years before working at Starbucks, then went to medical school.

My sisters studied physics and are now both stay-at-home moms.

The point is, again, you don't have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life, at the tender age of 21. So don't despair that you've graduated with a degree in history, and have no idea what to do with it. Here's the clue: You just have to figure out the next step. Once that's done, then you figure out the one after that. It's that simple.

Still, there are some things to think about:

1) What are your goals?
Your ultimate goal should be to glorify God, and all your other goals should be subsidiary ones. This doesn't mean (as I mentioned before) that your only goal should be to become a missionary. It means that whatever goal you set, you should examine it carefully and lay it before God and ask, "Will this add to your glory?" If the answer is in the affirmative (sometimes it seems neutral), then pursue your goal, if the Lord wills, till you are stopped. "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." (James 4:15)

If you have a goal, such as to become a doctor, then your next step should lead to your goal, like taking prerequisite courses, or saving money. If you've received a calling to become a missionary, then try to equip yourself until God calls you overseas. You might want to get training in a certain specialty field, or study theology, or save money, or go home to spend more time with your family.

2) What are your priorities?
When I graduated, I took a year off to bum around and figure out what I wanted. I applied to med school, as well as grad school (science), as well as teacher's college, as well as a one year masters in education. I decided that my goal was to serve God, and I looked at all these choices, and figured that I could serve Him in any of these fields. I then decided that I didn't want to kill myself with school (so no med school), nor did I want to lock myself into a course of study that would take a long time (so no grad school). I also wanted to be close to family, so I took off the teacher's college, because that was in another town. That left me a master's in education, which is what I ended up doing.

Some people's priorities are to be close to home, others want to be close to friends. Others want a first job that is a bit more rewarding, others are fine with entry level positions and to work their way up. What are your priorities? If you can figure out what's important to you, then it's easier to make your next step.

3) What are your limitations?
Often people don't take this into consideration when they leave college. Even my college fellowship gave me a lot of goobly-gook about "living in community" etc, and advised us to take low paying jobs and pool all our money together in a community house. But there are tons of practical limitations that make such a dream impossible. If you are Chinese, chances are that your parents, after paying for your college education, want you to come home now. Maybe you need to get a job that pays a decent salary so you can pay off your loans.

So although the sky seems the limit when you graduate, pay attention to your constraints. Maybe you are dating someone seriously, or are married, and you don't want to be apart. If you want to go to grad school, consider whether you have the money to pay tuition. Also be realistic. If you want to get married and have children, think carefully whether your degree in medieval pottery will support your family.

All these factors will constrain the choices that you have. And that's OK. Adult life is full of responsibility, and don't underestimate your responsibility to your family. 1 Timothy 5:8 even goes as far to say: "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."


So now you're asking: Even if I had a goal (which I don't), even taking into account my priorities and limitations, there are still too many choices! What should I doooooo?

Then I would say, go out and get a job (b/c that's responsible: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." (2Thess 3:10)), or if you want, go back to school, and say to God, "If it is your will, I will do this." Then do it all for the glory of God, until He says no.

My father gave me good advice when I had to choose between med school, grad school, teacher's college, and education. He said, "Just pick one. But when you've picked one, don't regret your decision."

More on this...later.