How to be a barnabas

This is the long overdue conclusion of the question: "Who should my friends be?" We talked about finding Timothy's and Paul's. The last category of friends is: Barnabas.

In the Bible, Barnabas was the nice guy who introduced Saul/Paul to the church in Jerusalem, at a time when nobody would go near him, thinking this road-to-Damascus conversion thing was a trap. Barnabas was also known as the generous guy who sold a field and donated all the proceeds. His name means, "Son of Encouragement". He's the friend everyone wished they had.

So here are some pointers, taken from Barnabas's life, for "How to be a barnabas". (In order not to confuse the original person Barnabas, with the word "barnabas" which has become an adjectival noun, I will capitalize the person, and put the latter in lower case)

1) He was a man of God
Acts 13:1 lists the prophets and teachers in Antioch. Barnabas's name is the first to be listed. Saul is actually listed last. This tells us that Barnabas was highly respected not just as a friend, but as a prophet and a teacher. I put this point first because people often think that a barnabas is just a really encouraging, friendly person. But the original Barnabas was so much more than that. First and foremost he was a man of God. It was his devotion to God that allowed him to be encouraging and friendly. Some people are afraid to be a Paul, and say, "I think I'm just a barnabas." Guess what? In order to be either, you have to really dig in and learn God's Word, walk rightly with God, and grow in the Spirit. The same Spirit that qualifies you to be a good barnabas, also qualifies you to be a Paul.

2) He befriended the underdog
In Acts 9, we read that Barnabas helps Saul gain acceptance within the church. Nobody else was willing to stick their neck out for Saul, who, if you remember, had hitherto been killing Christians. In Acts 15, Barnabas stands up for Mark, whom Paul considered too flighty to take with them on their missionary journey. In both of these instances, Barnabas befriends and takes the side of the underdog, the social outcast, or the unpopular person. Often people think being a barnabas means being really nice to your friends. But Barnabas of the Bible reminds us to be a barnabas to the unpopular types, the fringe-people, to the strangers, newcomers, and the extra-grace-required types. Being a barnabas is work, and not always fun, but it pays off in the end in the furtherance of God's Kingdom. After all, imagine what would have happened if nobody ever stuck up for Saul and he never became Paul! (For one thing, the Bible would be a lot thinner)

3) He was generous
Acts 4 tells us that Barnabas sold a field and donated all the money to the church. A barnabas should likewise be generous with her money, time, and belongings.

4) He was encouraging
In Acts 11, the church in Antioch started to see many Gentile conversions. The Jerusalem church wanted to check this out, and they needed someone diplomatic to go check it out. Up to this point, the Gospel had only been preached to the Jews, and there was resistance to accepting Gentiles into the new Faith. Who did the church send into this sticky situation? Barnabas! Barnabas walked into this new church and instead of condemning them, or probing them to make sure the faith of the Gentiles was legitimate, he praised God and encouraged the church. A barnabas likewise should be encouraging, someone who dispenses extra grace. In other words, a barnabas is the opposite of the extra-grace required type who likes to light fires and constantly is "not speaking to so-and-so anymore".

5) He was an evangelist
When Barnabas arrived at the church in Antioch, he offered them encouragement. Then in verse 24 the Bible records: "He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a great number of people were brought to the Lord." Here we see the final fruit of Barnabas's personality. He was a man of God, he befriended the underdog, he was generous, and he was encouraging. And what was the result? People came to the Lord. Oftentimes we want to be barnabas's so we can hang out with our buddies, or we want a barnabas who can hang out with us. But the true power of a barnabas is in bringing others to the Lord, and giving Glory to God as a result. A person who has the spirit-given gifts to be a true friend is a very appealing evangelist.


So in conclusion, here are the 3 types of friends you need to have: Paul's, Timothy's, and Barnabas's.

Go forth and make friends! (And bring glory to the Father as a result!)

The Art of the Wife

"My So-Called Wife"

A friend sent me the article above from the NYTimes. The author (a high achieving, non-domestic woman) laments that "the Art of the Wife is fast disappearing.

So I thought I would do my share to bring it back. Here are 3 things that I do for my husband that makes him arise and call me blessed, and consider my worth more than rubies (Proverbs 31). OK, he's not so eloquent. Mr Brett just likes to say in his customary understated way, "I'm not complaining."

1) Bring him water
I got this idea from a marriage book I read a long time ago. I don't remember very much about the book except that the wife wrote that she shows her love and respect for her husband by bringing him a cup of tea every day when he came home. At the time I thought that was kind of a trivial, or even subservient thing to do. But after I got married I remembered the book, and so one day I brought my husband a cup of water without him asking for one. He took the water, and with real tears in his eyes, said, "Wow. I never thought I'd be married and have my wife bring me water." So of course, after that, I always bring him water. When he comes home from work I bring him a cup of water. When he goes upstairs at bedtime I bring him water for his bedside table. I bring him water to show that I am thinking of his comfort, and he is always touched when I do.

2) Greet him at the door
I read an article that says when the average American comes home, only the family dog greets him at the door. So I resolved to say hi to my husband at the door whenever he comes home. If I'm upstairs, I'll come down to say hi. I'll come out of the kitchen to greet him with dish gloves on. It makes him feel welcomed at home. I want my husband to get home from work on time every day because he looks forward to coming home.

3) Feed him fruit
I do this because I'm Chinese. After every meal, I peel some fruit and cut them up into bite sized pieces. Then I poke toothpicks into them. Then Mr Brett and I sit in front of the TV while I shove fruit into his mouth. I'm not kidding. Through a romantic lens, you could say that I'm feeding him love-bites of fruit. But Mr Brett and I both know the reason I do this is to make sure he eats the fruit, because it's healthy and high in fiber. So to kill two birds with one stone, this "art" of fruit feeding accomplishes two purposes--to make my husband feel pampered, and to keep him healthy while I'm at it.


Voila! 3 tips today, more to follow...

7 Decisions you have to make when you leave college

Decision #4: Who will my friends be?

I remember speaking to a friend a few weeks into the start of my second year of college. My friend had gone to another college, one with a large, sprawling city campus where everyone lived at home and commuted to school. I went to a small college a few hours outside of the city. She asked me, "Have you seen all your friends yet?" I gawked at her. "I saw everyone the first day I got back," I said.

I think of those days fondly, especially as it's such a huge pain to get together with friends nowadays. Mr Brett and I are trying to organize a Korean Night. We emailed a few friends. One set of friends are busy this weekend, another is busy the following, and we have church group the following weekend. The weekend after that we have a Chinese New Year dinner with relatives, and the weekend after that is Chinese New Year. We might have to push this dinner all the way into March!

This brings us to the 4th question: Who will my friends be? It's easy to make and keep friends in college. It's very hard once you graduate. Back in college, you walk down a few doors and ask your friends, "Do you want to have dinner?" After college, you all have to pull out your Blackberries or iPhones and say, "OK, the weekend of the 24th, can you make it? How about the following month?" If and when the situation dissolves into, "I'll have my assistant call your assistant," I think I may take a break from friendship altogether!

After college friendships stop being easy, laid-back, and plentiful, and instead become intentional. If you want to make quality friends, you have to work at it.

So here's a list of friends every post-college graduate should have. 3 of them are typical ones you hear about all the time. I've added the 4th because well, hey, it's important!

Your list of must-have friends....coming right up!