Thursday, 19 June 2008
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Why Men are Afraid of Strong Women
I read this random post on xanga the other day called "Men Threatened by Strong Women?" The writer, whom I think is a guy, explains why men don't like to date strong women. It's not because the woman is intelligent, successful or capable--it's because she goes out of her way to make the man feel like he is less intelligent, less successful, and less capable than she is.
When I was in college, it was cool to be the strong woman. The thinking was that men, the lesser in the species, had oppressed women for long enough, and it was time to take it all back. We put up signs on our doors in our women's dorm: M.A.S. Men Are Scum. We swaggered around campus outperforming the men in class, outrunning them in sports, and outdebating them in conversation. We refused their help with our groceries (we were strong, remember?) and yelled at them if they opened doors for us (we were independent, remember?). When we got together with them, we put them down with verbal teases, all in good fun (of course).
We had the smarts, the attitude, and even the interview powersuit with the shoulder pads and sensible pumps. What we lacked was...self confidence. Bravado we had plenty of, but we didn't have the central core of self asssurance, the thing that allows someone to be happy with who they are without having to put someone else down. We were taught that women were much better than men, but by setting men up as the people to beat, the ones to ridicule, weren't we admitting quite the opposite? If we knew how good and smart we were, why were we so desperate to prove it?
The trouble is that when we start putting our faith in intelligence, success and capability, we put our faith in things that are subjective and can only be measured by comparing ourselves with others. And if we're not sure that we are really that smart, successful or able, then we stamp on the guy sitting next to us so that he becomes lesser, and we become greater.
The Bible calls women to have a gentle and quiet spirit, something practiced by women in the past who put their faith in God. (1Peter 3:4-5) When our faith is in God we don't need to prove ourselves or compare ourselves, for our faith and our worth stand on the Solid Rock.
Only when we have that quiet self assurance can we be humble, which is the key to being a strong woman without being intimidating and scary.
Wearing pinks helps too (inside joke
.)
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Comments (3)
Very true observations, Tizzy! Interestingly, though, I've had the experience where a guy remarked upon seeing my diplomas on a wall that he had to catch up. It never even crossed my mind that there would be any sort of contest. So while I can be held accountable to my heart and behaviour, I have resigned to the fact that I can't control how some will choose to react.
@terricha - So true so true! In fact I am about to blog on that very issue.
I tend to cringe when I see women disrespecting men, esp in public. It's ugly, unattractive, and destructive. Likewise when I see men objectifiying women. It goes both ways.
It's interesting that even being in a male dominated industry, and even in school, I never felt like I had to prove myself and bash men in the process. In fact, none of us girls in school did. In school and in my career, I've found that the respect went both ways and was based on integrity and work ethics.
Interesting again that the gender issue comes up mostly in church. I prob have to do more thinking and observing on this. I'm thankful that in at least my circles of girlfriends, Christian and non-Christian, there isn't that mentality to bash guys to make ourselves feel better.